I've started to make some plans for homeschool this year and even to get excited about the possibilities. I know Collin is going to be just fine and learn a lot. But today is still a hard day. It's the first day of school for our district, so the disappointing outcome of our two years of hard work is feeling more concrete.
I try not to waste much time wishing things were different. Not only is it pointless, but it also typically doesn't mesh with the fact that I fully accept Collin just as he is. But today it feels okay to be wishful. And I can't help but wish today was Collin's first day of school. I wish I was dressing him in his uniform and packing up his backpack and feeling nervous about how the other kids would react to him.
I wish public school was for everyone, not just those who fit easily into the system. That the system was geared more toward students than policies. Why can't the process of finding a place in that system be more of a partnership and less of a standoff? In which the approach is Let's come together to make school work for this kid instead of Here's what we're required to do, do you want it or not? Who loses out when we listen to the needs of the kid, even when -- or maybe especially when -- his parents have to speak for him?
Ultimately, I wish there weren't so many battles -- not just in the world of education, but in the world at large. So much of Collin's everyday life seems to require making a way: the countless public places that aren't wheelchair accessible, the medical equipment that languishes in an endless paperwork trail for months, the insurance companies that deny medications or supplies they've been covering for years. "It's always something," parents of kids with disabilities say to each other, and it's not just a saying. But it becomes your normal, so you stop noticing quite as much until a bigger roadblock comes along and then you find yourself asking: Why does it have to be a fight for my kid to get from here to there? To get what he needs? To go to school?
Wishing is pointless in that it changes nothing about the situation. But being open about what's hard and unfair benefits everyone. It lets you in on our reality, and it helps me move forward. So now I'm going to look at some first day of school pictures on Facebook and then take this kid to the arcade.